Tuesday, February 23, 2010

I'm not ready to share.

So I think the sun makes me silly. Seems we haven't seen it enough lately. I've noticed a direct correlation between the shining of the sun and my mood. No sun = cranky and surly. Sun = silly and good humored. I must have been a real bitch in Seattle. It seems so long ago....

Actually, looking back, I think I was just lost without the sun. Lost and sad. But I still miss Seattle. I miss being able to go to the Pike Place Market and I miss fresh seafood. I miss the coffee and wine bars. I miss the salty smell of Puget Sound. I miss "Hammering Man" and Fremont and Whole Foods. Mostly though, I miss my friends...and my babies.

But here I can have the sun. My roots go deep into the earth here, too. That makes me stronger. I needed to come here to get strong. And I needed to find everything I lost after a bitter divorce. Some things didn't work out - things I had planned on when moving here - but that's only because my angels were watching out for me. They know I'm a dunderhead when it comes to matters of the heart. And right now they enjoy, I think, watching me be alone.

I'm not such a big fan though. At least not some days. I'm about 50/50 right now. Heh. Come to think of it (and I had to pause to think for a few minutes)... it's actually not such a bad thing. I like it for now, but I don't think I would like it for the long run. I'm avoiding a relationship like the plague now - but I think when my sabbatical ends in June I will be ready to start opening up to the thought of sharing again. No alcoholics though. Seriously. I mean that. They are NO FUN.

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