Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Meanest Woman on the North American Continent

It's been a good day in the newsroom. Even Scotch was feeling all happycrazy and bouncing around between desks. I wrote about robots and and an organization for the developmentally disabled. Great lunch at Kiwanis where we talked about this woman we met at a dinner the other night...The Meanest Woman on the North American Continent. Seriously, she was MEAN. Not only that, she was ugly. Bad combination. She was so mean even Brenda, the Kiwanis president described her from the podium as the meanest woman she's ever met. At the dinner, when Mean Lady first sat down my friend Bobby and I looked at each other in horror and then got the giggles. It was like having the giggles in church. But we were scared she would bite our heads off, chew them up, then regurgitate them on our friend James' plate. So we giggled in silence. MAN that was a MEAN woman!!!

Friday, August 27, 2010

These boots are made for walkin'.

Ryan has earplugs in his ears and he's pretending he can't hear me when I ask him why he's throwing my proofed pages on the floor. Brenda took a terrified Scotch for a short walk (I'm trying to get him used to other people in case I die or something). Patti is working on the final pages of the weekender and Jeff already left for the day. He leaves early a lot because he has to work games in the evening. Josh is running around with a camera slung around his neck.

Thank Heavens it's Friday. I'm going over to my aunt's house for "bubbly on the back patio" tonight. I typed too many birth announcements today.

We had a pretty good wreck on Main Street this morning. It's that stupid diagonal parking and people are backing out blind and getting hit all the time. The city won't change to parallel parking because A) people here are afraid of parallel parking and B) it would eliminate half the parking on Main Street and people might actually have to park more than 100 ft. away from their intended shopping destination and WALK (heaven forbid)! More than a third of the people in Oklahoma are obese. I think there is a direct correlation between this attitude toward walking and the fact that so many people here are overweight. Just like I think there's a direct correlation between a generally healthy and slim population and the amount their culture is willing to walk from point A to point B - which is generally a lot more walking than people do here. My two cents.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Sugar is a drug.

Not a lot of anything new today. We're all a little restless, I think. I'm eating Pop Rocks and Scotch is freaking out. He can't figure out why my mouth is making noise.

I wrote about the SWOSU Homecoming parade and vision screening for kids in the elementary schools. It's sort of been a dry story day. Guess I should get a head start typing the school menus.

Candy is my friend today. Candy and vegetables. I had a Butterfinger after my solely veggie lunch, and now I have some Pop Rocks and some Sugar Babies. I just started my "lose 10 pounds by my birthday" regimen, and I think I've blown it today. Guess I'll have to run about 16 miles tonight. Scotch will love that.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Blank slate.

I'm bugging the newsroom for something to blog about. Jeff just said "Too bad, nothing today."

I should make THEM write this blog once in awhile. Why do I have to do all the writing? Why is it always up to ME to do the newsroom blog?

Now Jeff is just being outright mean. He said "Why do WE care?"


Ryan pleads the fifth. Cluck Cluck.

Patti says she wants a new computer, or she's going to throw her old one at Jeff. Nothing personal.

Another day in the newsroom.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Poop Cookies.

Patti brought us some poop cookies today. For those who don't know what poop cookies are, they are those no-bake confections made of oats, peanut butter and chocolate. My kids nicknamed them poop cookies because they look like...well...POOP.

I just talked to the publisher about getting some sort of Scarecrow Extravaganza at the Weatherford Victory Garden for this fall. He had some great ideas. My favorite one was about the spiced wine. I have big plans. I am currently organizing three different "clubs". First, the Weatherford Victory Garden Society. Next, the Wine Sisterhood Literary Guild. Well, I guess I'm only needing to organize two groups, because Second Sundays is already up and running. First Second Sunday is September 12. Be there, or be square.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Monday percolation.

Ok...I've been arguing with Jeff all day. He proudly waves the "Newsroom Redneck" flag and I smugly sport the "Newsroom Hippie" banner - and we got into it over the fact that Oklahoma is 49th in the nation in per-student education funding. It turned into an argument over marijuana (I'm for legalization even though I don't use it) and whether or not it is a more dangerous substance than alcohol or cigarettes...(both of them legal AND infinitely more lethal drugs). We like to argue...mostly because we couldn't be MORE opposed in most of our viewpoints regarding politics.

Ryan is exhausted from the mile-long commissioner's meeting this morning, and Patti has been her usual perky and positive self all day. Josh started school last week and so he's in and out all day. He's matriculating. The rest of us are just percolating. (Which, according to the Urban Dictionary - means we're getting the party started).

Friday, August 20, 2010

Boys will be boys.

We have determined in the newsroom that Ryan and I likely have ADD, whereas Patti and Jeff probably do not. So far, no one can figure Josh out.

So I had to smack Jeff at least four times at lunch today. We (some of the WDN peoples) went to the mexican restaurant and he was making "old" jokes. I requested a soft taco and he asked me if hard ones hurt my dentures. He makes these references, I think, because of my tendency to date younger men. I sort of have to agree that dating younger men probably accentuates the fact that I'm old. Well, sort of old. I'm not "wicked old hag" old, like the mean old lady who eats children in Hansel and Gretel, though.

The boys (Ryan and Jeff) went on a meth raid this morning with area law enforcement and the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics. They got to take pics and do the story. They had to be at the meet-up place at 5:30 this morning. I woke up to helicopters blazing over my house - guess they were part of the raids. So the guys were all pumped up when they got to work...said it was all just like the movies - with lots of big guns and kicking down doors. Ryan even said "toward the end I just wanted to ask them if I could kick in a door." Haha! Boys will be boys.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mo Fo Gat!

The day started with an early morning call from the county sheriff telling me about a shooting at a local bar - four people shot, none of them fatally. I really like our sheriff - he sort of reminds me of Wyatt Earp.

Anyway, Ryan does the hard news now so he did the story on the shooting. He has been talking all gangsta and waving his hands around in strange configurations. "Bring yo mo fo gat, son!" he shouted. More than once.

I wrote a story about Scotch. Phillip took a pic for it - Scotch sitting at my desk, working...with me next to him. I look old and fat in the pic. Scotch photographed well, however. It will be on the front page tomorrow. Yikes.

Jeff has been pestering me all day. He has an ongoing narration of what I'm doing on my computer. He's like a kid brother. I called him a tattletale today. Patti just laughed.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Homesick Blues.

I got homesick today...missing all my old familiar places in Seattle. When I moved here, it was like moving to a different planet. Gone is the diversity, Trader Joe's, my favorite middle eastern grocery store in Pike Place Market, bistros, wine and tapas bars, big festivals, greek and east indian restaurants, roller bladers, record stores, excellent coffee, laser light shows, the arboretum, gay friends and buildings more than four stories tall...to name just a few.

And also, since I'm thinking of going vegetarian, living in Oklahoma is about the LEAST conductive place to adopt that lifestyle. BEEF this and PORK that...and STEAKS and potatoes everywhere. Not that I wouldn't miss a big, juicy burger or other meat items that I love...I just think it would be a good choice health-wise and it is also in line with my beliefs about the meat industry in general.

But, on the up-side, there are a lot of things I like about living here. And I LOVE the simplicity. The people are awfully nice, despite the sometimes over-the-top conservatism. And I still love the land. Oh...and I love the newsroom people. They pretty much make it worthwhile to do the 8 to 5 everyday...something I didn't think I'd ever be able to enjoy. I kinda like the ad people too, by the way...and the layout people. And the press people and the delivery people. But the newsroom is the best - mostly because we're writers. And writers are a special breed.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


Had to write a story faster than lightening this afternoon. Jet and Cord McCoy were in town to speak to the incoming SWOSU freshman and I got the story and Patti was going to hold the press til I got it written. Well haha! Finished with them by 3:30 and finished writing by 4:08 p.m. TA-DAA!

Don't know where Jeff is. He wasn't here when I got back. Ryan is sitting over there with his sunglasses on his head waiting to be finished. He gave me an air high-five for writing a story in under half an hour. Patti is building the front page. Josh? Who knows.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Southern Fried Sexy

Well it's Monday. The phrase for today has been "southern fried sexy." One of Jeff's gay friends (Jeff isn't gay, BTW) called him southern fried sexy over the weekend, apparently. We have been using interchangeable words with said phrase, calling people and things "southern fried stupid" and "southern fried psycho". It's been fun.

Lately I've been having those "uh-oh, spaghetti-o, the Clinton Crazyperson is lurking" feelings and sure enough! Texts Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I blew him off. He thinks I moved back to Seattle...which makes me laugh out loud. He can't run me off. But I don't mind if he thinks he did.

Elvis died 33 years ago today. I remember standing in Corbett's Drug Store in Burns, Oregon crying about it with an older woman (in her 50's at that time) named Audrey. She had the biggest beehive hairdo's I've ever seen. She used to smell of cigarettes and Chanel No. 5, and was one of the sweetest people I ever knew.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Long black veil.

I guess none of us in the newsroom should plan on a career in professional basketball. We can't seem to get a wad of paper into the garbage can on less than a dozen tries. You should see the floor.

Anyway, we've all been a little stressed out with personal issues...well, everyone except Ryan who is still blissfully in a newlywed fog. Patti is moving into her new place, Jeff is sick, Josh was on the phone having some sort of crazy all day and I am trying to live through the insanity of a family torn apart by terminal illness, money and busted up relationships. Life is grand. Someone call Lefty Frizzell and find me a long, black veil.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Cricket Superman

Ryan is crawling around the floor, trying to catch a cricket to take outside and turn loose. The girls back in layout saw the poor insect hopping around and called for male assistance - but screamed at Jeff when he wanted to "just step on it!"

I am writing a story about the Bad Girls of the Bible. I love bad girls. I would do a story about the Mata Hari if I thought I could get away with it.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Too darn hot, even for Ramadan.

It's been a fairly sedate day in the newsroom. I think we're all just really hot (temperature hot...everyone knows we're awesome hot) and too sluggish to be too out of control. Scotch and Ryan are going to get fat, however - they have been eating cookies since we got in this morning.

Ryan is making his second soda pop run of the day, and the Ginger Midget (Josh...who is actually quite tall) is surfing the net. Patti is running amok instead. Her ponytail band matches her bright turquoise coin purse today.

Jeff went home to watch whatever football-related stuff he can find on television...he's going through some bad football jonesing the closer to the actual season we get.

I've been yelling "RAMADAN!" all day...I decided to do a story about it because this part of the world is so white and Christian and I think it's good to learn a little bit about other cultures. I will probably be stoned to death in the newspaper parking lot tomorrow.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Cluck cluck.

It's been a day. Wrote a story about the history of liquor in Oklahoma, met with an attorney, covered school board, bought cat food and deleted the plumber guy I was talking to from my Facebook friends. (Oh that Facebook!)

Waiting for the next bus. The last one was full of chickens.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ten Pound Mary Jane

Today we're deciding whether or not a person could smoke ten pounds of marijuana in a day...a conversation which started in reference to a religious column about how music lyrics may or may not affect what people do. So Jeff said he would write to the columnist and say "I've been listening to 2 live crew, non-stop, for the last two decades...am I alright?" I said "Yah, and you could tell her you killed tons of people, raped at least 67 women and you smoke ten pounds of weed every day." Josh piped in "Ten pounds of weed?" We busted up...murder and rape - no problem. BUT TEN POUNDS OF WEED??? Haha.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Actors and Blood

Today we had a debate in the newsroom about the best thing that can happen to you AFTER you're dead. In other words, how we wanted our bodies deposed after we've breathed our last. Ryan insisted he MUST be cremated and his ashes scattered so he can "travel about" after he's dead. Jeff said it didn't matter to him - he said he will be beyond caring at that point.

Our editor, Patti, just wants to be buried...in a casket...next to her grandpa. I want them to just take me to one of the family farms, find a nice shady spot, dig a hole and drop me in. No yucky formaldehyde preservatives or expensive caskets. I just want to be part of the earth again.

Bad rollover accident at exit 80 just outside of town. Guy is still alive. He was going fast and lost control...Ryan went out and got the pics. I wrote about actors and blood today.

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Kickbacks and tragedy.

Jeff kicked the back of my chair. Then Josh kicked the back of my chair. Ryan is still too shy, I think, to kick the back of my chair. Patti will probably never kick the back of my chair. She's too nice.

Scotch stayed home today...he was eating grass this morning and has a belly ache.

Other than that, it's a typical day in the newsroom. Except for just about all the news coming in has been sad.

Brenda just paged Patti's phone and made a fart noise into it. It sounded real, so we're giving her a hard time about "blaming the phone." I think Brenda is bored today.

We're all trying to stay in decent spirits because bad things seem to be happening all around. One of our co-workers suffered a grave hardship today, and the news in general has been grim. A 23-year-old burned to death near here when the truck he was driving had a blowout and he lost control. The truck went on its side and caught fire. I simply cannot imagine the heartache that surrounds tragedies like that. One minute your life is cruising along...you're thinking about something ordinary or doing something ordinary then in just a split second it all turns bad.

Prayers to his family...as well as to the families of the eight people killed in Connecticut. And the the family of the shooter. It can get pretty terrible.

That's why, here in the newsroom, we've learned to hone our crazy. That's why lots of newspaper journalists (as well as ER docs, EMTs, police officers, firemen and other people whose days are filled with someone else's grief in detail) seem a little hardened or have an inappropriate, twisted sense of humor. It's so we don't dwell on the facts or the stories that come at us every day. Including the ones you never read.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Ninth Level of Hell.

Bloggety Blog Blog Blog.

It's been awhile. My mom has been visiting and I took some time off. Ryan got married over the weekend. I gained about 23 pounds from eating out with mom and from eating leftover coconut wedding cake from my cousins wedding last weekend. All this marriage. It's an epidemic.

The In-design keeps crashing here in the newsroom. Yesterday Patti threw a little fit and I was so proud of her. She actually threw some papers around. Not a bona-fide fit, but she's getting there. We are good at throwing fits in the newsroom, in epidemic proportions.

I went to Hydro today to do a story about the new middle/high school. It was hot. It has been hotter than the 9th level of hell this last week. My central air isn't working like it should and my house gets about 85 degrees around 3 o'clock in the afternoon. Problem is, it seems to be an epidemic around town and my landlady hasn't been able to get a repairman to come out. I think it's time to buy a house. Seriously.