Ryan is NOT stoned.

Ryan was quoting Leeroy Jenkins in his infamous YouTube video and said, quite loudly, "I'm sorry - I'm so stoned"...because that's what Leeroy said to his gaming buddies during a Halo battle online.

So Brenda heard him and asked him if he was stoned...because she thought he was being plain old Ryan talking to the rest of the newsroom. That's how rumors get started.

The newsroom is being slightly re-arranged today to accommodate our new intern, Kirby. Kirby is pretty cool. She doesn't know I blog about the newsroom yet and will likely be writing about her from now on. I believe she will give me some interesting material to work with. She has plenty of attitude. Typical writer.

Concealed cure for bad guys.

I tried to make my escape back to the PNW...but it didn't last too long. So here I am, back in the newsroom. I missed my people, though...I really did. They haven't changed a bit.

We're talking about the creepy, scary, dangerous people that have been coming into the newsroom lately because we've been writing stories about their crimes and charges. They get all mad and threatening - waving their arms and just acting generally ugly.

So we've decided we're all going to to get our concealed carry and keep big guns in our desks. Ryan is stoked about that idea. I said I would worry that he would be pointing his gun and every little old lady that comes in to give us club notes. He said "Everyone else in Weatherford has a gat - why can't we?"

Choose your Dictator Day

Today is "choose your dictator" day in the newsroom. You can tell a lot about a person by their choice in dictator. Here's what we came up with. Our supreme commander, Patti, chose Ted Nugent. Ryan chose Danny McBride, and Jeff chose Charlie Daniels. Our receptionist, Brenda, chose Oprah and our publisher chose Bill Gates. My dictator of choice is Bob Marley.

Doing SQUAT

I've done squat today. Wrote one story about 2nd graders and their school project (which was fun, by the way) but other than that I have done SQUAT. Ryan can't remember what he did today. I just asked him. I asked Patti what SHE did today, too. Here's what she said: "Nothing. Absolutely nothing."

I imagine there will not be a paper tomorrow.

C'est la vie.

We're all porn stars!

OK...we're discussing our porn star names here in the newsroom. Our editor Patti makes naughty movies under the name of "Doobie Wolfley". Our City Editor, Ryan, is billed as "Blazer Highland". I myself appear on X-rated movie posters as "Tippy Fifth". Our Sports Editor, Jeff, is otherwise known as "Kermit Hillcrest" when making smut, and Brenda (the Goddess of Phone Sex - aka our receptionist) is "King Broadway". Our photographer, Josh, does the nasty on camera under the moniker "Goldie Baker". Our accountant, Teresa, has the best name: "Frisky Arapaho".

In case you're wondering how we got our porn star names, we took the name of our first pet and the street we grew up on and combined them. In case you're wondering how we are all employed in professional careers given the level of maturity on which we operate.....well...you got me on that one.

Haunted, spidery newsroom.

It's quiet here at the Weatherford Daily News. The only people here, in the whole building, are the writers. Well, and Josh-the-photographer. Basically - the newsroom people are the only poor buggers working the Labor Day holiday. We get out of here at noon, tho.

But still, it's dark and creepy here today. I think we should build a campfire in the middle of the lobby, make s'mores and tell ghost stories. This place is already haunted by Larry - the editor here before Emily and Patti. He was the editor when I first started working here. He had a heart attack here in the newsroom. Once in awhile it smells of garlic and roast beef, and we know he's around. Also, the door to the upstairs will occasionally close on its own.

And on an even creepier note, Jeff just sprung up from his desk and raced across the newsroom - right about the time I saw an ENORMOUS brown spider running across the floor toward my desk. Jeff stomped the crap out of it. We all stood around and examined the squished arachnid, and agreed it looked like a brown recluse. Now I'm even MORE creeped out. Heebie Jeebies!!!!

Blue Friday

I did a story on Suicide Prevention Week today. Poured a lot into it because it's a subject I know all too well. Consequently it put me in a bad, sad, blue mood today. I miss my little brother - especially lately since there's been a lot of trauma in my parent's lives and I've had to deal with it alone. Or at least with no siblings.

Sometimes the news just hits too close to home.

TGIF. I need a drink.

Flipping the Bird

The middle finger is getting a lot of airtime in the newsroom lately. Jeff got it twice from me for his remarks about my old age, and Ryan got one from me for a reason I can't even remember. I got one from Ryan for a reason he can't remember, either. He said "It must have really warranted a finger, though, because I wouldn't have done it without a good reason." He has not yet learned newsroom protocol about flipping the bird. There doesn't need to be a reason.

I told my editor I will now only communicate with her by using a series of tongue clucks and lip squeaks. So far it's working out well. Every time I say something to her she busts up laughing. Even when I'm trying to tell her something serious. Go figure.

Pants full of Ants

I have ants in my pants. Fall always does this to me. Granted, it's not officially Fall yet, but it's September, which is close enough. I'm done being summer-lazy and ready to get back to my projects. I think it's residual "back to school" mentality. You know how for at least a dozen years of your life (in my case, 21) you knew that when September rolled around it was time to get your new pencils and Big Chief notebook and get back to work? It's like that. Programmed ambition.

The newsroom has been pretty sedate today. Patti made a story - so she's been pretty quiet. I wrote stories about mushrooms and a gallery opening. Ryan has a huge headache and he's craving Braum's hamburgers. Jeff gave me an update on Dancing with the Stars participants and otherwise gave me a hard time all day long. He's proud of that. Scotch took the afternoon off.