Death Rays

Holy Toledo it has been a Monday. Running all the livelong day. And now, since Standard Time is in effect, death rays from the sun shine right through the front door of the Weatherford Daily news and straight into my eyes...and will continue this way every day in the late afternoon until the end of winter.

I sit in the worst place. Seriously. Not only are the death rays highly unpleasant, but here in the newsroom we have calculated that if a shooter comes in the front door to take out the writers (we make a lot of people very angry, especially when we report on their evil deeds) - I will be the first to go down. Jeff and Patty can simply scramble under their desks while the first bullets fly, or they can make a quick exit up the stairs to the attic. Ryan is second in line for the mayhem, but he said he would throw his big camera at the assailant then dive through the plate glass window to take him out. Ryan promises he'll chuck the camera and break the glass before the bad guy can get a shot off. I feel better.

Currently, however, the dear boy is spitting out quotes from "The Family Guy." We are both finished writing for the day - but now poor Patty has to slap all those words on the pages while we entertain ourselves with various means until it's time to do the proofing.

Not the prettiest time of day in the newsroom.

A variety of erections.

We're all stupid today. We had to be here 'til midnight last night to cover the elections - so we are a sleep deprived newsroom. Jeff, however, has just provided us with chocolate, so things may be looking up.

The Supreme Commander isn't even helping. She just sits there and laughs. "I don't know what to tell you," she said with a chuckle. "I'm tired today, and want to get the hell outta here."

Last year, when I was covering the elections with our Japanese intern Takamitsu (I call him Taka-San) he made me crack up when he was explaining elections in Japan. He kept saying "Japanese erections are much different than erections in the United States." I miss Taka-San.

Wrap it up.

Ok. So we're working on the health quarterly. We're coming up with a headline for a story about safe sex. Ryan said "Don't be silly, wrap yer willy." I thought maybe "Wrap it before you tap it." Jeff is sitting silently, and Patti said she's got nothing. Wusses.

Ryan said he can sing like "Jesus and Fergie" by the way.

Oh, Jeff just came up with his: "Don't be a punk, wrap yer junk."

Today is my birthday.

Look Ma! No Net!

It's definitely a Monday.

It was a strange weekend...and the newsroom is pretty quiet today. I think I'll go home and make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and call it good.

I'm walking the tightrope again.

Octobery

Today is torture. Will it never end?

I'm sporting a pretty good whiskey hangover from the "girl's night in" at Candise's house last night. It was a good time - but I'm not 25 anymore and I shouldn't drink Crown and Coke like I am.

We're all kind of quiet in the newsroom today. Maybe it's the weather. It's dark and rainy - very Octobery.

He feels pretty...oh so pretty.

Ryan feels pretty today. He's singing the song from "West Side Story". He sings it almost as good as Maria, but he is especially annoying today. That's what makes him so endearing.

Neither of us are in the mood to write this afternoon, but we're still pumping out the stories. Brain prostitution. He just called me "Sukka". He even spelled it out for me. Very helpful.

Neither of us know where the rest of the newsroom is today. They were all gone when we came back from lunch. Maybe they got some mysterious plague and Ryan and I just happened to miss it so now we're left in the Armageddon of what was once a thriving newsroom.

And maybe I just need to get back to work.

Sanctuary

Well, everyone is gone from the newsroom except me and Kirby. The Supreme Commander left early for the day and put me in charge...so I think everyone just bailed. That's ok - I wrote like a maniac today. I wrote enough to fill the paper all on my own.

Anyway, it's been a rough week. Mom is living with me for the time being - and the newsroom has sort of become my Sanctuary. It's where life ISN'T spinning out of control and the crazy going on here is a good kind of crazy...not the bad insanity that life can throw in your face like a big poo pie when you least expect it.