Sticks and Stones.

Ryan just looked at me all wild-eyed and said "When you come to work Monday, you will find a brick wall built right here!!!" To show me where the brick wall would be, he furiously waved his hand back and forth between our desks.

Ryan is upset because I always win when it comes to name-calling. Maybe it's because he's too nice to call me really bad names, or maybe he is simply inexperienced at hurling epithets with the same finesse as me - but at any rate he never comes out in the winner's circle at the contest's end.

I am not proud.

Sad like a black balloon.

I didn't blog while I was at work today.
I was told Scotch couldn't come to work anymore because it isn't professional to have a dog in the newsroom. Everyone was very disappointed, including me.
And that's all I have to say about that.

Dirty Harriet.

I'm being hostile to Jeff today. Maybe it's because he's wearing a button-down shirt for the first time...or maybe it's because the Clinton nemesis has been poking me with a big, psychological stick recently and I feel like Dirty Harry and just want someone to make my day...if you get my drift.

Patti said, as our Supreme Commander, that she is just going to stay out of it today. In other words, as I like to see it, she is turning a blind eye to my abuse of our beloved Sports Editor. Mwah Haa Haaaa.

I have no idea where Ryan and Kirby went. Today is Ryan's Rotary Club day...maybe they caught on to his under-cover work and put him on the rack. I told him he was too young for Rotary. He doesn't blend in.

Perhaps I'm just frustrated from lack of sleep today - and the fact nobody is calling me back on several stories I'm working on. Therefore I'm left to my own devices. And this afternoon it means the torturing of Jeff.

Squeaky Chair.

Ryan is feeling even more mature than normal this afternoon. He has discovered if he moves a certain way in his chair, it makes a noise that strongly resembles the release of gas (a fart) from the nether-regions of the human body. So he proceeded to make the noise over and over again, accompanied by groans of relief.

Kirby just hit him in the back of the head with a stack of papers to get him to quit.

Now he's quoting Orbit Gum commercials.

Jeff has received the bird twice today, and demands to be paid $40K for each finger tossed at him. I sent him one bird, Ryan sent him the other.

Patti has sworn to become a raging bitch by the time she's 40 if she continues to work here. We know she doesn't mean it, and we love her.

Another day in the newsroom.

Ryan is NOT stoned.

Ryan was quoting Leeroy Jenkins in his infamous YouTube video and said, quite loudly, "I'm sorry - I'm so stoned"...because that's what Leeroy said to his gaming buddies during a Halo battle online.

So Brenda heard him and asked him if he was stoned...because she thought he was being plain old Ryan talking to the rest of the newsroom. That's how rumors get started.

The newsroom is being slightly re-arranged today to accommodate our new intern, Kirby. Kirby is pretty cool. She doesn't know I blog about the newsroom yet and will likely be writing about her from now on. I believe she will give me some interesting material to work with. She has plenty of attitude. Typical writer.

Concealed cure for bad guys.

I tried to make my escape back to the PNW...but it didn't last too long. So here I am, back in the newsroom. I missed my people, though...I really did. They haven't changed a bit.

We're talking about the creepy, scary, dangerous people that have been coming into the newsroom lately because we've been writing stories about their crimes and charges. They get all mad and threatening - waving their arms and just acting generally ugly.

So we've decided we're all going to to get our concealed carry and keep big guns in our desks. Ryan is stoked about that idea. I said I would worry that he would be pointing his gun and every little old lady that comes in to give us club notes. He said "Everyone else in Weatherford has a gat - why can't we?"